I underestimated what I was getting myself into...

 

Last Wednesday I had lunch with the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter Outreach Director. I had some questions regarding my upcoming speech to the women and I really wanted to make sure I was sensitive to both their needs and what I could/couldn’t do or post on social media. I want to help raise awareness for all the great things they do, but oh how I underestimated what I was getting myself into…

 

She was lovely and had a warmth about her that only people who truly love to serve others have. She also had a great handshake, which tells a lot about a person’s character, but that’s another topic for another soapbox rant.

 

The biggest need I knew the ladies needed was housing. I didn’t know the stats or the depth of where my questions would lead me however…

 

Me: “I know you said your biggest need for the ladies is housing, but I’m not sure how I can work that into My Story, to help inspire them? I’m sure worrying about their credit is a mute point for them right now”.

 

Director: “Yes, unfortunately. Because of the issues with finding housing and employment opportunities, this will lead our clients to go back to their abusive relationships”.

 

Wow, just think. You finally get the courage to get up & out. Then you find out that the women’s shelter is only temporary housing. You can’t get an apartment, for obvious reasons, & the waiting list for government housing is sometimes a year long. Well…what would you do then? I would feel stuck, like my hands were tied.

 

Director: “Yes, unfortunately, the average times our clients go back to their abusive relationships is 7 times”.

 

My mouth hit the floor. 7.

7 times they go back. I couldn’t imagine.

 

Director: “Some have suggested that we put a limit on how many times our clients can receive aid, but how could you? Every time they come back, you can see it, they’re that much closer to staying gone. Some of these women come in completely broken, they don’t have enough self confidence”.

 

Me: “So how many clients do you serve annually?”

 

Director: “It flexes from year-to-year, but it hovers around 500.”

 

500 people a year. In Northwest Arkansas, 500 people a year. And that only counts the one’s who actually come to the shelter. Who would have thought that in our little community there would be such a high need? The director believes what I believe with my Values First movement, that getting the message out to the younger generation will help to curve this average. Sadly, they don’t have the resources or the time to get out and physically speak to all that need to hear the message.

 

Director: “Most abusers will show red flags early on, without implementing the abuse.” Those are:

            -wanting to move the relationship along quickly: move in, have a baby, or get married quickly

            -everyone loves them immediately and it’s almost “too good to be true”

            -likes to have the control

 

Obviously there’s more than what’s listed, but you get the idea.

 

Director: “Thank you for getting in contact with us. These ladies need to see strong women who have struggled with adversary in their past, but made it & are thriving. They need to see that hope. That light at the end of the tunnel.”

 

Me: “Absolutely. I want to be respectful of the shelter and your guidelines. I know we can’t video the speech or take pictures while we’re there, but I’d like to help out on social media to raise awareness for the shelter.”

 

Director: “Yes, unfortunately, for the safety of our clients we can’t do video or pictures. We would love for more awareness on social media. In the past, we downplayed it, because we were very concerned with the safety of our clients. In reality, it’s actually proved to be a slight disservice to them, because not very many are aware of the needs or even of the fact we have a women’s shelter here.”

 

Me: “Absolutely. I had assumed we had one here, but I had no idea where or what kind of presence you had. I’d heard of the children’s shelter, but that’s a separate entity from ya’ll.”

 

Director: “Yes, we’re getting better with that. There is definitely a need here in NWA and we’d like to shed more light on the depth of that.”

 

I underestimated the depth. I’ve always wondered why the ladies couldn’t just leave the relationships? Why would they stay? After talking with her I realized, they’re not in a solid place mentally to do that sometimes. They’ve been beaten down, physically, mentally, or through another method to where there’s not much self-esteem left. I then remembered in my own life, when my self-esteem was so low, it radiated into every aspect of my life. I would have never even imagined myself graduating college or applying for the job I have now.

 

I’m really looking forward to giving these ladies hope this Thursday. Stop for a second and put yourself in their shoes, emotionally, physically, & in the moment. What would you do… especially if you had no family here? I would love help in spreading awareness for the Northwest Arkansas Women’s Shelter. A share, a tweet, a post would be great. Help me shatter this statistic, to raise up these ladies that may not have the courage to have a voice of their own, just yet. #TeamNWAWS

 

Stay classy.

Keri Owens